Trauma Responses

Our bodies give us a lot of important information about what we’re experiencing, what we’ve been through, and what we need to survive. Paying attention to our physical and emotional sensations is essential if we hope to function in the world effectively. Our survival relies on our ability to tune into the body’s signals that let us know when we’re tired, happy, afraid, hungry, angry, hurt, etc.

Whenever we sense danger, our nervous systems automatically set off little alarm signals to let us know that we’re not safe. This internal alarm prompts a stress response that's known as the “Fight-or-Flight” response. These threat responses come in very handy when there’s danger. Without needing to stop and think, our bodies automatically jump into action to protect us. 

As research on stress responses has grown, we’ve come to recognize at least two additional responses: Freeze and Fawn. Let's explore each one briefly.

• The Fight Response helps you deal with the danger head-on by attacking the threat (verbally or physically) before it hurts you. In non-physical forms, fight responses can look like blaming, insulting, threatening, or shaming someone who seems threatening.

• The Flight Response helps you get away from the threat as fast as possible by running away physically, mentally, or emotionally. Less overt forms of the flight response are avoidance, procrastination, overworking, and distraction.

• The Freeze Response is like "playing dead" or avoiding detection by staying still and quiet until the threat passes. Freeze responses include feeling overwhelmed and unable to move, think, or speak clearly. A freeze response can sometimes override other options even if we'd prefer to fight, flee, or fawn.

• The Fawn Response is a strategy of trying to placate or appease the threat in order to earn temporary safety. Some common forms of fawning include extreme hospitality, people-pleasing, flattering, apologizing, etc.

Most people can experience threat responses in healthy and adaptive ways. When someone has PTSD, however, they perceive that threats are happening all around them all the time. This traps their nervous system in a miserable cycle of triggers and threat responses. When someone spends a long period of time in an unsafe environment, it gets harder and harder for them to respond appropriately to the threat.

When the body experiences trauma, the nervous system goes into overdrive to protect us from danger. You can think of PTSD as a nervous system that's stuck in “survival mode” even after the threat has ended. These are the common symptoms associated with PTSD:

• Hypervigilance: a state of anxiety and tension due to compulsively monitoring for danger or any potential threats.
• Exaggerated Startle Response: intense physical reactions to unexpected stimuli or changes in one's environment.
• Flashbacks: an involuntary reliving of a traumatic experience, often including the connected emotional or physical responses.
• Avoidance: repeated efforts to reduce exposure to reminders of the traumatic experience.
• Social Withdrawal: increased isolation and difficulty connecting with social supports.
• Depression: hopelessness, irritability, excessive guilt, or shame (a negative view of one's own worth).
• Sleep Disturbance: difficulty falling or staying asleep (insomnia), nightmares, or night terrors.
• Dissociation: mental or emotional detachment or disconnection from one's current circumstances.
• Self-Harm or Neglect: intentional or unintentional acts that increase one's risk of injury or deterioration.

"The bodies of child-abuse victims are tense and defensive until they find a way to relax and feel safe. In order to change, people need to become aware of their sensations and the way that their bodies interact with the world around them. Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.” – Bessell Van Der Kolk

Reframing a Trauma Narrative

Any story comes with implied meanings, morals, or lessons. For example, the obvious lesson of the story about the boy who cried wolf is that people won’t believe someone who makes too many false cries for help. Trauma narratives are simply the stories that we repeat to ourselves about our traumatic past experiences and why they happened. Trauma narratives usually contain deeper messages too.

In the wake of a traumatic event, we all automatically make unconscious interpretations about why it happened to us and what “lesson” we learned from it. Unfortunately, trauma narratives that are born in fear, hurt, and blame are rarely helpful or even accurate.

When we’ve retold and reinforced our trauma narrative for long enough, it’s easy to accept it as the truth, even if it’s completely inaccurate or illogical. When we base our thoughts and choices on the distorted “lessons” of our trauma narrative, dysfunction, confusion, and powerlessness start stacking up.

An essential part of trauma recovery is investigating and challenging the harmful interpretations we took with us after our traumatic experience. Otherwise, an unexamined trauma narrative will keep reinforcing harmful beliefs and misplaced blame. Below are three main steps for identifying, challenging, and reframing a trauma narrative.

Step 1: Identify the Trauma Narrative

Identifying your negative trauma narrative is like cleaning out an infected wound to finally get rid of the stubborn infection. The first step is to reflect on the old narrative you’ve been telling yourself and investigate the unconscious “lessons” you’ve been believing.

Below is a list of common beliefs that trauma survivors internalize due to their trauma narrative. Take note of any statements that reflect your own feelings about what you experienced. If none of the statements in the inventory seem to fit, is there another negative belief that seems to represent your trauma narrative better?

• My experience doesn’t count as trauma; it could have been much worse.
• Other people will assume that I think my trauma is worse than theirs.
• I must have done something to deserve what happened to me.
• The person/people who hurt me had good reasons or good intentions.
• The person/people who hurt me couldn’t control their actions.
• The person/people who hurt me had a reason for picking me out.
• I should expect everyone in my life to treat me the same way in the future.
• My experience proves something shameful about me.
• It’s immature that I’m still upset about what happened to me.
• The physical and emotional reactions I’ve had are irrational.
• If I were stronger this wouldn’t have impacted me so much.
• If I were stronger it wouldn’t have happened in the first place.
• Pretending that It didn’t happen is proof that I’ve moved on.
• Calling it trauma would be admitting that I’m permanently broken.
• There’s nothing I can do about it now except try to forget.
• I’m not the only one it happened to so it must not be a big deal.
• If no one else remembers it happening, I must have made it up.
• If I tell other people what happened, they will blame me.
• If I tell other people what happened, they won’t believe me.
• If I tell other people what happened, they will see me as broken.
• If I speak up about what happened it will ruin someone else’s life.
• My experience made me stronger so I should be grateful for it.

Step 2: Challenge the Trauma Narrative

Now that you’ve identified the “moral of the story” for your trauma narrative, it’s time to reassess it from a different perspective. It’s often helpful to imagine that a loved one of yours is telling you the story and you are hearing the details for the first time. Instead of taking your old interpretations for granted, examine and question them. Negative core beliefs need to be debunked before you can look at your story in a new light.

Things to be on the lookout for include:

• Automatic feelings of shame or self-blame
• Outdated assumptions that you no longer believe are true
• Thinking errors (negative interpretations) that are common for you
• Placing unfair blame or responsibility on yourself
• Unrealistic expectations of your past self
• Mind reading what other’s thoughts or intentions were
• Jumping to conclusions about what it all means

If you notice any inaccurate or unrealistic interpretations, write them down and imagine how you would respond to a loved one if they said those things. Gently address each problematic interpretation with the same amount of grace you would offer your loved one. Even if you’re not sure you really believe it yet, start practicing reminding yourself of the alternative perspective.

Step 3: Practice the New Narrative

With practice, telling yourself a more empathetic and validating version of your trauma narrative can lead to incredible relief. It won’t erase the reality of what happened, but it WILL clear out the unnecessary clutter of shame, blame, and self-hate that often accompany our trauma narratives.

This reframing takes time and practice, though. You won’t be perfect at it immediately but don’t give up. Every time you’re reminded of the old, self-defeating trauma narrative, you have an opportunity to practice. Try taking a deep breath and intentionally repeating the new story from your new perspective.

Replacing old blame-based beliefs with empathy-based beliefs makes it much easier to accept and love ourselves. Any shame about our past reactions and choices will be much easier to understand and forgive. Once you’ve reframed and practiced your new trauma narrative, it should feel much more natural to care for and be kind to yourself.